Witch Hunter

It’s been two days, and to no one’s surprise, former Con Inc. shill turned Leftist YouTuber Hunter Avallone has failed the Witch Test.

Dux Bellorum did a bang-up job administering the test.

There’s just one vital finishing touch he missed.

As soon as the subject has either a) replied to the command with anything other than the specified confession or b) made no reply for 24 hours, the person administering the test should convict the subject of witchery, declare his total lack of moral authority, and immediately block him.

This step is necessary because a witch in the sense used here is a nonbeliever who cloaks himself in the mantle of Christian morality to denounce Christianity. In so doing, he argues in bad faith and undercuts his own moral standing. The Witch Test works by pointing out that the witch has vacated his claim to moral superiority by denying the very basis of the moral code he’s trying to usurp.

It does my heart good to see so many people applying the Witch Test in the field. However, I have noticed certain persistent errors in the test’s application. That’s not to cast aspersions on anyone. It is to say that, social media levity aside, the Witch Test is serious business. When you’re dealing with people who may be demonically obsessed–or worse–it’s wise to know and follow the rules of spiritual warfare.

To help our brave witchfinders execute their duties with maximum effectiveness and safety, here’s a brief primer on proper Witch Test protocols.

First, some examples of what not to do:

CAPTAIN FEDORA: Your god “Jesus” is really just the Quetzacoatl myth repackaged and sold to rubes by men in dresses!

TRIGGER HAPPY WITCHFINDER: Confess that Jesus is the Christ!

Points for zeal, but the above example constitutes target misidentification. That Silent Bob lookalike with the Ayn Rand quote in his bio isn’t launching stealth attacks on the Church by feigning allegiance to her morality. He’s standing on the Church steps throwing shit at the windows.

Witch Test called for? No

Reason: self-evidently not a witch.

BETSY BLUE CHECK: As someone who was raised catholic, I see reproductive health as a private matter of conscience. Women should work this delicate subject out with their pastors–and themselves! Not through government force.

LOCQUACIOUS LECTOR: Should the state not enforce murder laws, then?

BBC: Lol, if you think that’s anything like what I said, you must be one of those snake-handling fundies!

LL: Nice anti-Christian stereotype! The Catholic Church, which is the world’s biggest, and which you say you used to belong to, condemns abortion as murder.

BBC: catholics used to condemn charging interest to persecute Jews, too! Luckily, the church evolved on that, just like they’re evolving on women’s equality. You should take a page from the bible and not judge!

LL: Confess faith in Christ, and Him crucified!

BBC: lolwut? 😀

LL: You can read, can’t you?

BBC: Yea, but what you wrote didn’t make any sense 😉

LL: It’s simple, but I’ll say it again: Confess Jesus’ lordship, death, and Resurrection!

BBC: Sry I owe my confession go god, not you 🙂

(Conversation rambles over a ten-tweet thread.)

Witch Test called for? yes

Error: faulty execution

The point is to deploy the test as soon as the suspected witch tries to claim the high ground by co-opting Christian morality. In that event, declare the verdict; then block AS SOON AS SHE FAILS. Under no circumstances should you continue interacting with a confirmed witch. If she is the subject of extraordinary demonic activity, the demon can retaliate if your command could be interpreted as being directed at it–for which a case could reasonably be made if you’ve determined you’re dealing with a witch.

I can’t stress this enough: DO NOT TALK TO CONFIRMED WITCHES! Declare their lack of moral authority and block immediately!

POLLY PROBLEMGLASSES: Why are christians so homophobic? The bible literally says jesus reclined with men.

INQUISITIVE INQUISITOR: Do you confess that Jesus is the Christ, and God has raised Him from the dead?

PP: Do you live in your mom’s basement?

Witch Test called for? yes

Error: faulty execution

The Witch Test is a command. Not a request, not a suggestion; a command.

First of all, Scripture is manifestly clear that Christians are to boldly profess faith in Christ before men.

Jesus Himself reveals that His intercession for us in Heaven is predicated on us acknowledging Him on Earth. In light of this fact, it’s no stretch to argue that a Christian could only decline to confess Christ under extraordinarily adverse circumstances.

The Witch Test, when applied in good faith, does not constitute one of those rare exceptions. On the contrary, it draws from Scriptural authority to help unmask false teachers. It’s no more scandalous than the ancient practice of Christians identifying each other by drawing half a fish in the sand.

Second, phrasing the test as a question gives witches wiggle room to flip the frame and try to take the moral high ground back. Deny them the chance!

If you’re not up to issuing Scripturally backed commands, or if you have a more rational and frankly healthy aversion to possibly confronting demons, I strongly advise against administering the Witch Test.

I even more strongly urge you not to give money to people who hate you.