It’s encouraging to see the Witch Test pioneered on this blog continue to gain wider use. Some recent Twitter interactions between witches and intrepid hunters occasioned this refresher post.
Christianity is a necessary pillar of Western civilization. Not only do the Church’s teachings inform our cultural and legal traditions, she has saved the West from destruction time and again. If not for the brave Christian soldiers at Tours, Lepanto, and Vienna, Western civilization would have been scoured from the face of the earth.
Not only are men like Charles Martel and Don John of Austria sadly lacking today, a particularly loathsome breed of heretic has cropped up to undermine the Church from within.
Instead of spreading the Gospel to all nations, the contemporary heretics we’ll call Witches have been evangelized by the world. They pay lip service to orthodoxy while lecturing Christians on morality. Hypocritically, the Witches’ morals are not informed by Christianity, but by the Death Cult.
Witch Self-assessment
Give yourself one point for each:
- Scolding a Christian for supporting immigration limits because, “It says somewhere in the Bible that nations should admit infinite immigrants.”
- Invoking the Crusades and the Inquisition to shame a Christian who stands up for his faith.
- Bringing up Old Testament ritual prohibitions against shellfish and mixed fabrics to attack the Church’s ancient and consistent moral teaching.
- Lacking faith in Jesus Christ but lecturing Christians from an unwarranted position of smug moral superiority anyway.
Don’t worry about adding up the point values. The list above is more of an index of warning signs for others than a self-assessment. No Witch would have made it this far into the book anyway.
If you notice someone on social media—or even in real life—displaying the kind of hypocritical moral preening outlined above, you’ve likely spotted a candidate for the Witch Test.
Despite its name, the Witch Test isn’t strictly an examination tool, either. Its true effectiveness lies in its ability to quickly and definitively expose the hypocrisy of those who feign Christian morality to lecture Christians on morals.
How does one administer the Witch Test? It’s simple. Just ask someone who’s pontificating on Christian morality to make a public profession of faith in Jesus Christ.
Witch Test Examples:
PONTIFF IN PROBLEM GLASSES: You can’t say abortion is murder because that’s, like, judging, and the bible says don’t judge.
HAMMER OF WITCHES: Confess that Jesus is the Christ, and God has raised Him from the Dead.
PiPG: I don’t owe you my confession.
HW: Witchery confirmed. You have no moral authority.
PREENING PEARL-CLUTCHER: How can you support a politician who says such insensitive things and call yourself a Christian?
WITCHFINDER GENERAL: Profess your faith in Christ, and Him Crucified.
PPC: This is about your support of bigots, not my religion.
WG: Your moral authority is forfeit, witch.
BOX WINE WITCH DOCTOR: The Bible says to be stewards of the earth, and that means sterilizing people in underdeveloped countries to prevent climate change.
GRAND INQUISITOR: Confess that Jesus is Lord, and He is Risen.
BWWD: Lol I’m just reading what your Bronze Age storybook says.
GI: You’ve abdicated all moral authority. Witch confirmed.
Note: It is vital to issue the Witch Test as a command. Phrasing it as a question, such as, “Do you believe that Jesus Christ is God?” leaves the suspect ample room for dissembling. The object is to give the subject the binary option of making the profession or not.
Nine times out of ten, the self-styled Christian will refuse to profess faith in Jesus Christ and thereby expose himself as a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Some might object that a genuine believer might balk at making the profession, but those people forget the clear and repeated teaching of Scripture on the subject. (Matthew 10:32, 11:6, and 12:30, Romans 14:11, Philippians 2:10-11)
The right time to deploy the Witch Test is after a suspect has met one or more of the criteria listed previously. You can already be pretty certain the subject is guilty of Witchery. The point of the Test is to demonstrate the Witch’s cynical and coercive co-option of Christianity to his audience. They are the ones his bad faith arguments are intended to sway, and a properly delivered Witch Test works wonders to break his spell.
IMPORTANT: When applying the test online, if the subject doesn’t make the confession in her first reply, declare her guilty of witchery and lacking all moral authority; then block her immediately. Do the same if your command receives no reply for 24 hours. There is nothing to be gained by continuing to interact with a proven Witch. Not only do you risk spiritual peril, you’re increase your chance of catching a ban.
What if a suspected Witch does respond with a public profession of faith? That’s easy. In such a rare event, loudly and exuberantly celebrate the subject’s conversion to the one, true faith. Screen cap his profession and show it to EVERYONE. Make sure to tag him in. For some extra mileage, create a Twitter list called Born Again Christians, Christian Fundamentalists, etc. and add him to it.
An actual Christian will either echo your praise or politely ask you to tone it down. A Witch, however, will cut and run. Remember: The reason Witches dispense their lectures is to curry favor with the Death Cult. The mere insinuation that they’re courting the Cult’s mortal Enemy is enough to put the fear of their Father Below in them.
And the fact that the Cultists fear the Name of Jesus speaks volumes about their motivations. We can’t expect to defeat the Death Cult if we take God less seriously than they do.
Follow @THillisAuthor
Happy, hopeful, and practical
Recent Fr. Ripperger interview https://youtu.be/feifSF7Ivxw Part II has interesting commentary on the rise of demonic obsession.
I caught part one. Thank you for the link.
I was engaging with a staunch “Separation of Church and State!” Liberal in good faith, right up until he tried to claim that both Catholics and Protestants are bad and that “there’s nothing Christlike about either of them”. That’s the point where I decided that a Witch Test was called for. It remains to be seen how or if he will respond. I was willing to put up with the cringe talking points about Religious War Bad, We Fled To America To Get Away From This, and It’s All About Power, but when he started making claims about us being bad Christians , that was going too far.
Yes, rank ignorance or demagoguery could have explained his appeals to all of those spooks, until he claimed there’s nothing Christlike about Christians. Please do let us know the test results.
His response:
“Confess that in his house in R’lyeh Dread Cthulhu lies dreaming. Seriously, who the fuck do you think you are demanding people confess things? Get over yourself!”
As expected, complete and utter failure. In fact, I believe that’s the most resounding failure I’ve ever seen. I called him on his witchery and then blocked him.
Well done. I’m praying for his conversion.
I will do the same, in an attempt to avoid the Pride that so easily accompanies telling people they’re wrong on the Internet. God have mercy on us.
Amen.
> As expected, complete and utter failure.
Yep. He rejects Christ and thus has no authority or competence to judge what is Christlike.
Correct. That’s why the test works. It exposes people pretending to be good-faith actors as arrogant moral scolds. What the witch above was saying to Eoin was “Listen up, backwards infidel, profess the regime’s faith, or else. What? How dare you make demands of your moral superiors!?”
Liberalism is the worst tyranny in human history.
“Instead of spreading the Gospel to all nations, the contemporary heretics we’ll call Witches have been evangelized by the world. They pay lip service to orthodoxy while lecturing Christians on morality.”
This reminds me of a discovery that I made a few months ago. The actor Alan Ritchson (best known for starring in the Amazon series “Reacher”) was very open about being a Christian, and frequently posted scripture on his social media and made statements from a Christian point of view. For instance, he made a well-worded and thoughtful post using scripture and Christian doctrine to admonish Will Smith for the incident in which he slapped Chris Rock.
For this reason (and the fact that he seems to lead a clean life, has been married since 2006, etc), many Christians quickly warmed to him and saw him as “one of us”.
However, after a little Internet searching, I found one of his Facebook Sunday sermons from last year, and it revealed something less than ideal. The title of the video was already a red flag, but for the first few minutes, the sermon itself starts off fairly well. Then as it goes on, there are warning signs. And around the 6 minute and 50 second mark, it goes all the way downhill. That’s when he twists Matthew 5:39 to argue that being a Christian is about “submission to this world”. Then at 8:30, he says, “Jesus was a socialist”.
Here is the video:
https://www.facebook.com/alanritchson/videos/calling-all-qanon-christians-dont-shoot-the-messenger-but-i-want-to-show-you-som/476623416814687/
The problem is not carnies like Alan Richson. The problem is Christians watching Amazon series and paying the least attention to staged drama at scripted Death Cult award shows.
It used to be frustrating telling people not to eat pig slop, hearing them repeat it back, then seeing them stuff their faces right back in the trough.
Then you come to understand it’s the ultimate white pill. Because we’re all getting what we deserve.
I always picture the witch sitting in front of his or her computer, smugly witching on the internet, when suddenly the door is kicked open by the witchfinder (whom I picture dressed like Solomon Kane), who points dramatically at the witch while delivering the Test in a loud, commanding voice.
Reading the test itself always gives me a thrill. I want to throw open my window and shout to the world, “Jesus is the Christ and God has raised him from the dead!” I remember a post you did on failed administerings of the test. In each of the examples, a Smart Boy had altered the simple wording to something clunky, while also misjudging the timing.
In a rare departure from the ironclad rule for using masculine second person singular pronouns in the generic sense, I refer to all witches as “she” and “her”.